'I just didn't see how a cat lover and a cat hater could ever really work': Woman ends relationship after cat-hating date drops ultimatum, now wonders if she overreacted

Author image for Sarah Brown
Sarah Brown • Writer and Editor
May 27, 2025 6:00 PM EDT

Everyone has their red flags indicator when dating. That moment when someone says something and you just go, "Uh oh." For this cat lover, the red flag showed up fast: after nearly a week of fun, flirty messaging with a guy she met online, he suddenly dropped a dealbreaker. He hated cats. Worse, he said that if they were going to date, she'd either have to come to his place only, or put her cat outside when he visited.

That was all it took for her to call it off. Because while the guy may have been funny and charming, he clearly didn't respect the fact that her cat was family. Telling someone to boot their pet out of their own home is the dating equivalent of hissing at the welcome mat.

Now, years later, someone told her she may have thrown away a "potentially good relationship." But what kind of good relationship starts by asking you to abandon your values… or your cat? She trusted her instincts and chose loyalty to her furry roommate over a man with a serious cattitude problem. And honestly? That's the kind of purrsonal boundary we can all admire.

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  • 01
    'You threw away a potentially good relationship for your cat?'
    via By GabrielPevide / Canva

    Disclaimer: This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 02
    This actually happened a couple of years ago but it recently came up in conversation and I was told 'You threw away a potentially good relationship for your cat?' And now I'm curious to know if I did knee j react
    via u/Gemzanity
  • 03
    Anyway a couple of years ago I dipped my toe into the world of online dating. Set up a profile and included I had a cat. I got talking to a guy and all was going well. We were messaging for almost a week and tentatively arranging to meet up. He was very funny and I was enjoying exchanges. In one
    via u/Gemzanity
  • 04
    Cheezburger Image 10510359040
    via By oatawa / Canva

    Disclaimer: This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 05
    conversation I mentioned something about my cat and that's when he told me he hates cats. He then told me that if we were to start seeing each other I would either have to go to his house or, if he came to mine I'd have to put my cat out.
    via u/Gemzanity
  • 06
    My first reaction was 'Excuse me? This is my cat's house, he just allows me to live here'. Anyway I decided this man probably wasn't my soul mate because I love cats and wasn't about to make mine feel unwelcome in his own home. So I
    via u/Gemzanity
  • 07
    Cheezburger Image 10510359296
    via By elenasendler / Canva

    Disclaimer: This image is for illustration only, and the subjects are models; the image does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • 08
    politely declined the offer to meet up and wished the guy luck. But when I recounted this story the other day and the person told me I threw away a potentially good relationship. I wonder now if I should have gone on that date? But I just didn't see how a cat lover and a cat hater could ever really work?
    via u/Gemzanity
  • 09
    Inner_Kiwi_9968 "You threw away a potentially good relationship for your cat?" Key word. "YOUR cat." That is YOUR baby, a huge piece of you. You and your fur baby are a PACKAGE DEAL! And if anyone is out there hating on you or your cat, then f that and them!
    via u/Inner_Kiwi_9968
  • 10
    Riddle me this- will your cat break up with you? No. Will your cat b at you for dumb sh? Probably, but they're cats so they can get away with it. Lame a people can do ALL of those things, and in general maybe this is just me being a bit biased, but any man who hates cats is such a huge red flag to me.
    via u/Inner_Kiwi_9968
  • 11
    There are PLENTY OF FISH IN THE SEA, and the fact that someone said that sentence to you is so genuinely ridiculous. Find yourself a man who loves you and that fur baby, bro!
    via u/Inner_Kiwi_9968
  • 12
    edi_kitteh NOR - my partner gelled so well with my cat it's basically his now. Stupid fur ball chooses him over me all the time. When he got the first cuddle it solidified everything I already felt/knew.
    via u/edi_kitteh
  • 13
    Fyi my cats previous owners broke his back, he hates people, runs away from everyone. Yet the first time my partner came over he literally curled up in his lap for hours. Never saw him react like that to anyone before or since. I mean he does tolerate our baby, but even that took time (hid from him, never aggressive).
    via u/edi_kitteh
  • 14
    Blurred Vision18 A weeks worth of texts? What potential could you possibly have seen in that time? Unless the person you were speaking to is exceptionally lonely and has a bar that sits on floor that they are desperate for any and all attention. I feel like I've stopped talking to people I've just met for less, like not liking Mexican food. That's crazy talk.
    via u/BlurredVision18

  • People have hissed goodbye over way less. This was a major red flag, not just a catty quirk. Gotta trust your hisstincts when the purrsonality clash is this big!

  • 15
    Loud-Problem-5... Sounds like HE threw out the possibility of a relationship because of your cat. You just own a cat.
    via u/Loud-Problem-5587
  • 16
    sounds ridiculous and controlling. Little bit of a red flag. There's 8 billion people on the planet. And plenty that don't give pet based ultimatums to possible future partners. That just sounds way too abrasive, presumptive, and entitled.
    via u/Loud-Problem-5587
  • 17
    I'm not a huge cat person but I can't imagine hating cats so much I can't have them in my vicinity. Definitely can't imagine it being a deal breaker. I guess maybe if I had allergies or was concerned about offensive pet smells. Dude
    via u/Loud-Problem-5587
  • 18
    EdenCapwell NOR It's so nice when they wave their red flags right in your face. My granny always taught me, "Never trust anyone who doesn't like animals. But always trust your animals when they don't like a person."
    via u/EdenCapwell

  • Granny's got the right idea. Always trust your cats! If they aren't a fan, that’s all the paws for concern you need. They’ve got great judgemeownt.

  • 19
    fading_blue NOR. Dude tried to make his hatred of cats your (and your cat's) problem instead of just sucking it up or saying this wasn't going to work out. He 100% would've expected you to get rid of the cat once things got more serious.
    via u/fading_blue
  • 20
    Hillbilly-Qimaster You saved a proven and wonderful relationship from a potential short term fling with a j . My wife and I have 9, so I may be a little biased.
    via u/Hillbilly-Qimaster
  • 21
    Shot_Cauliflower9... Nah. That sounds too incompatible. Go forth in peace.
    via u/Shot_Cauliflower9909
  • 22
    VirusZealousideal72 Nah, absolutely not. You could only date him if you were okay with giving up your cat eventually and obviously no halfway decent catowner would EVER do that. So it's good you broke this off when you did. NOR.
    via u/VirusZealousideal72
  • 23
    IntrepidLove1518 I don't trust a man that hates cats. I mean I understand if someone has an untrained dog that barks and jumps all over you, that's annoying as sh and will repel me, but cats don't do that, they just chill and mind their business so that is strange to me and is a red flag imo.
    via u/IntrepidLove1518
  • 24
    truebelieverbabe NOR-It was so nice of him to give you a red flag so early!
    via u/truebelieverbabe
  • 25
    TheEschatonSucks You're good It's fine to not like cats but when you get to the point of "you have to choose me or your pet" and that's BEFORE the first date... that's a different issue altogether
    via u/TheEschatonSucks

  • Better to paws it early than drag out the hissteria. If the red flags are waving now, imagine the catastrophe down the road. Snip it quick, like trimming claws!

  • 26
    Mary-U NOR Clearly you love your cat. That guy hated cats. In no world did you "throw away a potentially good relationship." LOL The two of you were clearly incompatible.. That person who said that was completely delusional.
    via u/Mary-U

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pets relationships advice cat owners feline pawrents Cats dating dating advice
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